Channel Four are doing what they do best and occupying my Sunday evening, as they do my Christmas by revisiting our collective memories with the ‘Hundred Greatest You Name It’s.’ This week it’s cartoons, the hundred greatest cartoons of all time and all the usual commentary from all the usual pundits. Perfect for a Sunday night, so spaced out from being on the tear the nights before spaced out and in no condition to entertain any other sections of humanity, slap on the telly and Channel Four Will supply you with a program of b-celebrities, second rate comedians and historians that are about as academic as a tour guide, all emulating even the most degraded forms of pub shite talk, and you don’t even to engage - you just enjoy. Just seen clips from ‘Charly Says…’ for the first time. A 1970’s British Home Office cartoon series focusing on terrifying kids about what a dangerous place their home can be. In the early nineties, amidst tabloid hysteria about kids slipping out their bed room windows to get pilled out of it, the Prodigy sampled it. Babbling to a sludgy techno backdrop, the cat being Charly, is translated by his mate; ‘Charly says, always tell your parents before you go out.’ The cat babbles in perfect unison with the record and scarily enough too, the thing looks like its gurning in the original. Are the Power Puff Girls brainwashing America’s youth, their latest enemy is a man in a turbine. Their main enemy is Mojo Monkey, in one episode called the ‘Beat-alls’ they do a parody of the fab four, having seen it its fucking hilarious, through out there is a soundtrack of ripped off Beatles melodies all reminiscent of Sgt Pepper. Mojo Monkey wanders up to a bank, saunters in with a lazar gun and demands ‘give me money, that’s what I want.’ Of course, the gruesome fours reign of terror becomes undone not by the interference of the annoyingly chirpy wenches that are the power puff girls but the interference of Mojo Monkey, the Lennon figures new wife – Mocca Ono, a performance artist who proceeds to run the criminals career.

There was a short lived satirical magazine knocking around in Ireland a few years ago, that responded to Bosco being removed from the air by running with a story about how a drunken Bosco sexually assaulted Marian. When Frank, beclad in his dungarees per normal intervened, a violent and pissed Bosco clattered the fucker across the head with a bottle leaving him with a faceful of stiches. Bosco then went on the run, disappearing from our screens. Broke my shits laughing at the thought of the red headed gimp riding Marians leg with all the perverted glee of a puppy pissed on buckfast. Someone was telling me yesterday, that the Tribune ran with another satirical piece at the height of hysteria after 911. Bin Laden apparently had seized the magic door and was using it to outwit American forces in Afghanistan. Was anybody else ever freaked out as a kid by Flaherty's Garden? Discussing Bosco with a few mates one night we all had these memories of some Bosco bit with a dog that cawed like a crow, and a crow barking like a dog. Turns out it was one particular episode that was so bizarre, it jarred in all of our minds as the basis for the series.

In ‘Wait Till Dad Gets Home’ despite the tones of violence against children in the title, there’s a neighbour who looks like Nixon that’s as paranoid as fuck and sets up vigilante gangs against communist spies in every fucking episode, in one the target was some illegal Mexican workers digging a hole at the side of the road. ‘Que Pasa’ they ask, ‘stop that code talk, the games up…’ Why the fuck would a coyote be chasing after a road runner, a bird that looks like a half starved chicken? Some cartoons are just too fucking annoying Watching this, I am convinced that adults making these cartoons renege all sensibilities and just fuck with kids heads. Our own Bosco did it while Zig and Zag waged a full frontal assault against the bored stuff scheduling of RTE from the comfort of the Den mid afternoon. Leering and groping female guests, while Dustin ran amok with political jibes against the government and a generation of middle aged fools plagued with line dancing. From Rob, a boy that wore a dress: “One morning, Aunty Flow was standing at the side of the road, when Rob and his friends walked by. She said ‘hello’ they were so occupied with their own thoughts that no one replied. They would have noticed if she was standing on her head.”

No wonder eighties kids ended up doing ecstasy in the 90’s growing up to The Magic Round About. Fucking riddled with drug references. In one episode, a folk singer rabbit called Dylan sits around going ‘I’m watching these crazy mushrooms grow’ while the dog Doogle, who is constantly tempted with sugar cubes laced with LSD is locked in a crazed room of colours, mirrors and of course sugar everywhere, fighting the urge to indulge. Rainbow: 'One Skin Two Skin, Four Skin...I think he's trying to get Jeffry Up..." Captain Pugwash and Masterbates

Labels: Rant, TV